I Hate Valentine’s Day (Justin)


That’s the stuff dreams are made of.

If your attitude toward’s yesterday’s kissy-game festivities are lousy and similar to the title above, guess what? You’re not alone. It’s just that, well, I’m not really part of that demographic.

It’s kinda funny that love needs a day to be celebrated, but if you look into the history of Valentine’s Day, or rather the evolution from what it was to what it is today, you won’t be too surprised that its earliest incarnation was very little like it is in America now. According to sketchy and untrustworthy online sources, V-Day is not actually celebrated in most countries. At least, not on the 14th of the Black History Month (no, I didn’t forget).

Collected information from the both history.com and npr.org will see to it that we find the history of Valentine’s Day revolving around Christian martyrdom. So, since I’m so exceptional at arithmetic (I failed college algebra like, twice or something), let’s put these variables into a relevant equation:

Let’s kill Christians because they’re Christians (plus) let’s make out for hours (divided by) the amount of people who forgot about Black History Month (multiplied by) the amount of people celebrating Singles Awareness Day instead = Happy Valentine’s Day.

Justice is served, and it smells like fornication. If you indeed do hate V-Day, I hope this helps you justify your weird anger.

If, like me, you in fact do not hate the day but only really care about it because you have someone you want to take care of, whether it be your mother, sister, girlfriend, wife, boyfriend, or multiple husbands, then you probably had a good day yesterday. For no reason, other than the fact that you love someone, and also because supermarket chains tend to go for the whole red and pink look during this time. I don’t live with Allie, but I did come over and spend all day with her, from morning to zzzzzzzzzz. And I cooked. A lot. And it was awesome. (Chocolate Bobby Flay at your service, you sexy son of a…)

Fellas, if you can’t cook, go to Barnes & Nobles and read up. Go to youtube.com and spend a good amount of time on tutorials, most of which are funny and quite entertaining. Cross your legs like a girl as you sit and watch food network. Ultimately, when you cook for your lady, you never lose guy points. Or validation (or whatever imaginary and stupid thing you’re afraid of losing). If she’s the cook in the relationship, let her do what she wants to do, whether that’s cook herself, or let you do all the work. However, if there’s one thing I learned about yesterday, it’s that not all surprises can or often should be kept, and that doing things together is still fun. I did a whole heck of a lot, and she practically did nothing–that was the idea, after all! But when she offered to help in the kitchen as I was trying to juggle t-bone steaks, sauteed onions and asparagus, and chopped red potato wedges in the oven by myself, I shot her down the first time and asked for help soon thereafter. And what an amazing help she was. It’s not about who does what, really. It’s okay to let the wife help. It’s okay to let the husband help. Do anything together. As long as it’s together.

Let’s keep in mind not everybody on planet earth, or simply reading this stupidly long blog, is in a relationship. Like most homosapiens, I’ve spent the majority of my V-Days single, and they were great too. It’s fun to pretend to hate love (true story), or have an excuse to hang out with a friend on a platonic “date” and eat hearty, blow a little extra scrilla, because the rest of the world deems it okay for this particular occasion. Even college kids like myself aren’t settling for Top Ramen on the 14 of Februa…..ahem, sorry I meant, Black History Month. And I haven’t had a decent paycheck for over a month. Whether single or in a relationship, sales are a dude’s best friend during this time, a light in the sinister darkness of V-Day. Why not enjoy the day either which way? It does nobody any good to sit around and genuinely mope about because that hood rat slept with the neighbors and ran off with your best friend while you were reading this.

So no, I don’t hate Valentine’s Day. There’s no reason to. Look into the history yourself and try to find connections between its origins and the way stores promote the modern American holiday. It’s really interesting.

Now go away.   



This entry was posted in The Love Initiative (Tuesday), Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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