I may or may not lose a few followers here. (Spoiler alert)
Sexual sin; temptation; addiction. I’ve considered writing on the topic for a long time but have been pretty afraid to, because I understand that Christians already have a reputation in the world of being hypocrites, liars, false teachers and judgmental. It’s true, a lot of us are. But ever since Christ died for our sins and revived humanity anew through his burial and resurrection, it’s been a journey through the narrow valleys during the dawn and not the wide trails of the mountainside during the day. As an imperfect man trying to live like Christ, dude, let me tell you. It’s not easy. Specifically because since I was ten, I’ve had a sexual addiction.
Worse yet, Allie had to find that out the hard way after we started dating.
This isn’t some sob story to get you on “my side” or feel sympathy for pathetic ol’ me, but I’m calling myself out because I can only imagine how many other men (and women) are currently struggling with a sexual addiction, whether in the form of pornography, casual partners, an addiction to physical sexual intercourse, masturbation, and keeping silent.
Mind you, a struggle is only a struggle if you consider it as such. Here’s an example: I have a few cool friends who identity as homosexual, and I found myself asking them when they “started” liking the same sex? I’ve heard various answers, through the most prominent and easiest answer is, “I’ve always been like this. I was kinda born this way”. I also currently have some male friends who are having feelings for other men, but don’t want to and are keen on fighting to maintain a heterosexual identity. See the difference here? The former has no struggle, and the latter most certainly does. A struggle is only a struggle when we consider it such.
So if you’re cool with watching Fringe everyday, then it’s no struggle. For the person finding it difficult to watch a different show other than Fringe each day and slipping up according that individual’s goals…that’s a struggle. And because I’m not okay with pornography, for me, it’s a struggle. It wants to eat me alive and take Allie with it.
We recently went to a church counselor for the first time; she was a mighty encourager and gave me a few books to read (one of which, Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction, is on it’s way in the mail–thanks, Amazon!) and sent us off into the wild to keep fighting alongside one another, our accountability partners, and our ourselves. And, yes, I have screwed up since then. It’s not an easy road to recovery, but for the first time, I have my sins no longer concealed (Proverbs 28:13) and I have a woman by my side who is willing to fight alongside me and heal with me and not run away. I WILL recover.
We are The Knack Initiative. We aren’t Christians because we’re perfect and have it all together. We are Christians because we are so broken, defeated, and humbled that we realize we need a Savior. I’m so sorry if you’ve ever been judged, ridiculed or exiled by another Christian. We’re here to love and help heal, to pray and be prayed for, and not be ashamed of the Scriptures. But uh, we are NOT here to shove Scripture down your throat and tell you why you’re not going to Heaven or judge you for your actions, lifestyle of preferences.
With all humility, if you do pray, I’m asking you now. Please, pray for me.
We love you.